Bike Trail Blunders and Happenings

Photo via planetsave.com

 One of the things I do love about Omaha is its bike trails. I started frequenting them regularly last summer, when I realized I could get to the Keystone Trail just by riding a couple of blocks straight down the street from where I live. So, for about two warm seasons, I've probably gone bike trail-riding at least a hundred times. And I've certainly gotten the full bike trail experience, you could say.

That being said, the bike trails are a funny place. I've mostly stuck with the Keystone Trail and Bellevue Loop because they're in my vicinity, but a few times I've ventured onto the Papio trails. Oh, and Zorinsky Lake, if that counts. I used to go there all the time when I lived out west. Pretty much all my interesting happenings have been on the Keystone Trail, maybe because I've been on that one the most, or maybe because it's a more thriving hub. Who knows.

Anyhow, as I was saying, the bike trails are odd. Odd because there seems to be a different mentality there than in the rest of the the city. You wouldn't say "hi" to a random person at the mall, would you? Well, on the bike trail you would. There must be some strange underlying community between people bicycling, walking, jogging, and rollerblading. I know it's the Friendly Midwest and all, but people don't usually act this nice in the rest of the city. At least not where I live. It still weirds me out, to tell you the truth. I get caught off guard even now when some old couple smiles and say, "Good morning!!!" even though it's happened a million times.

Mind you, I am not bothered by this friendliness, even if it weirds me out. It's quite refreshing, actually. I feel like I'm in some cheesy 1950s sitcom, and should have streamers and a basket on my bike with Lawrence Welk-ish music playing in the background. Every time I pass someone, I'd ring my bell, and put on a shit-eating grin and say, "How ya doin' Miss Walters?!" and "Howdy Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, how are the kiddos?!" and "It's a fine day in the neighborhood, eh, little Billy?!"

I know I'm not the most intimidating character, or really even intimidating at all, so I can see how people aren't scared to approach me. It probably doesn't help that I ride a 1980s purple-white-and-baby-blue teeny bopper bicycle, either. It probably also doesn't help that I'm usually wearing sunglasses when I'm riding, so people can't detect my usual angst and distrust of humanity in my eyes. Or any of my I'm-gonna-cut-you stares.

While there is certainly a Leave it to Beaver vibe going on most of the time, there are a number of other kinds of encounters I've experienced on the the bike trail. Some of them aren't exactly extraordinary, but I found them amusing, and thought they should be shared.

For example, just yesterday:

-An older man probably in his 50s or 60s was walking towards me on the other side of the trail, and as I passed by him, he held out his hand for a high five. I declined and kept riding. He could have just masturbated with that hand. Or spit on it, like the kids on my brother's soccer team would do when they had to shake hands at the end of a game. You don't know.

-There was a balding man with a mustache, wearing only jean shorts and sneakers, casually walking down the trail. This is not so odd in itself, but that he looked JUST like Tobias from Arrested Development. I think I may have witnessed a true-to-life Never Nude yesterday.

-A man who appeared to be in his late 20s or so was riding a bike with one of those baby carriages attached, with a kid who looked to be about two in the back. Not odd at all, except that this dude was DRINKING A BEER while he was riding. It was a Blue Moon, I was close enough to see the label. Now, I am not so much against drinking and bicycling, as it's pretty hard to hurt someone else besides oneself when doing so. Except, maybe if the someone else is ATTACHED TO YOUR BICYCLE. And too young to know his daddy is a douche. WTF, dude.

And that was just yesterday.

Other encounters:

-There is a sign near a railroad track where the bike trail is on the underpass of the tracks. There is sign that reads: CAUTION: FALLING DEBRIS TUNA. Yes, someone crossed out "debris" and wrote "tuna."

-There was a man riding a bicycle who kept speeding up and slowing down. He would seemingly pedal as fast as he could, then slow down dramatically. So, I think he passed me and I passed him like six times or so each. It was starting to creep me out, especially because he seemed to be talking to himself. It was even creepier that when I had ridden as far south as I desired and headed north, he did the same. I even stopped to get out my pepper spray in case I was indeed being stalked. Well, the pepper spray thankfully did not get used. We reached the point on the trail that's near a shooting range. He was behind me at this point, when he sped up again so that he was riding right next to me.
"Does it ever freak you out that there's a shooting range across the trail?" he asked.
"Yes. Yes it does," I said in my most sarcastic, leave-me-the-fuck-alone tone of voice. A Daria-like tone of voice, if you will.
"Aim low, my friends. I just hope they aim low." And then he sped up and rode away, and did not slow down again, so that was the last I saw of him.

-One day, I spotted someone on the side of the trail near a field. I figured they were probably resting or talking on their phone or something. It turns out it was this old hippie-looking guy who frequents the trail quite often. I remembered him because of his long, snow white beard. You can't just forget a beard like that. Anyway, he had a tripod and was taking pictures of the field. At first, I thought he was taking pictures of just the grass. Crazy hippies. But as I looked closer into the field, I saw a doe and two baby deer! It made me really happy. I'm glad this dude was there, because otherwise I wouldn't even have noticed the surrounding wildlife. A few days later when I rode past the same spot, the deer were there again! Thank you, Hippie Man, I will be forever grateful.

-Speaking of deer, one morning, probably around 10am or so, there was a deer just standing in the middle of the trail. It didn't move, so I thought I might have to ride around it. However, it did prance off merrily into the cornfield so I didn't have to dodge it. Another time, I had to dodge a suicidal mole rat that ran out in front of my bike. Luckily, he also avoided a doomed fate.

-It was mid-afternoon on a Sunday, and for a split second I thought I had encountered the living dead. A bedraggled, limping man with torn clothing was walking in the middle of the trail. Yes, he looked incredibly like a zombie, but without any noticeable bloodstains. Then I realized he was probably homeless. Accompanying him were two short Hispanic men... doing flips on the trail. I don't know if they were acrobats or what, but these dudes were talented. How these three eccentric men were associated with one another, I will forever wonder and never know. Furthermore, they were walking dead center in the trail, and didn't move when I neared them. I had to veer off into the grass to go around them. Homeless-looking-zombie-man did not seem very cognizant, so I suppose it's forgivable. But I think the acrobats were just being jerks. This occurrence seemed so surreal, part of me thinks I imagined it.


So, that's all I can think of right now, though I am sure there will be more experiences in the future. I am going on another bike ride today, after all. If anyone would like to share with me their bike trail happenings, I would really love to hear them. Please share.